I've been meditating wrong for years
Meditation has always been a struggle for me—I’m not going to lie. I always liked the idea of meditation as being part of my self-concept; I identified as someone who meditates, or at least likes the idea of meditation, because in all honesty it didn’t really become a regular practice of mine until quite recently. And although it’s taken me years to become someone who does actually meditate, I have found it to be very beneficial in a variety of ways, some unexpected, and I hope to share my experience here in the hopes that it may help you on your meditation journey.
Being born in Japan, I was exposed to the concept of buddhism at a very young age. Although it’s an integral part of Japanese culture, most Japanese people would probably not identify themselves as especially religious people, and I felt the same. Visiting a Buddhist temple is just something you do, for important life events like funerals, or when visiting a new place when traveling domestically. From studying the world’s major religions in school, I also had an idea of what Buddhism was as a belief system, and I have to say many of my personal beliefs align.
But how am I supposed to incorporate these Buddhist ideals into my everyday life? Do I have to give up all my worldly possessions, become a vegetarian, and relegate the remainder of my life to that of an ascetic? This is my polar extreme opposite way of thinking that I think prevented me from taking smaller, more manageable steps in integrating some Buddhist practices in my daily life. And to be fair, meditation isn’t only a Buddhist practice, but this was my early understanding of it. I liked the badge of claiming it as part of my identity without the hard work of actually practicing.
Things began to change when, as many people in their mid-late 20’s do, I had a quarter-life crisis and moved across the world from New York City back home to Tokyo where I hadn’t lived since I was 8 years old. This transition was simultaneously inspired and spurred on by a deep sense of discontentment that launched me headfirst into a spiritual awakening and journey that I am still on today, and will be for the rest of my life. I discovered that changing my external circumstances without addressing the underlying causes or ways of thinking in myself may lead to momentary cessation of these feelings of lack, but ultimately they will come back.
When I realized that I was the problem, not the place I’m living or the people I’m around or anything else external, I began to consume many books, podcasts, etc. on the topic of self-help, self-improvement, spirituality, wellness, and the like. And with this concept of mindfulness, the practice of meditation kept being brought up over and over again by all the spiritual teachers I was hoping to learn from. So I decided to take another look at what meditation meant for me, and what it could look like.
I had a yoga phase when I first moved to New York, and I have on many occasions reached a blissful flow state where I was extremely present in the moment with my body and my breath, and disconnected from the constant stream of thoughts that usually animate our daily internal monologues. And it felt great. From what the spiritual teachers were describing, this was my closest reference and what I would aim for. But that was much easier said than done.
To get started, I tried a guided meditation app that would gently prompt me to move through a short 5-10minute meditation practice, and it was great! I realized that in a sense, I was trying to meditate all wrong for years, and that’s what defeated my efforts before they really started. Here’s what I learned about meditation, both from the many people I’ve listened to speak on the matter, as well as through my own experience.
Trying to clear your mind is not the purpose of meditation.
This kind of blew my mind. The way Buddhism had been explained to me in school, it was about these monks who devote their lives to trying to reach “enlightenment” which was described as a complete detachment from suffering. The way in which these monks reach enlightenment was through meditation, which is a complete clearing of the mind. But that is the biggest misconception. You may reach a state during meditation in which your mind is clear, but setting out to achieve that as a goal, and judging the outcome as bad when you inevitably find your mind filled with thoughts, will set you up for failure.
The way to truly meditate is to witness the mind without becoming identified with thoughts.
This took a while for the meaning to really sink in. But when you really think about it, the true cause of our suffering is thoughts. Thoughts are stories our minds tell us about reality, about our life, and when reality doesn’t match up with these stories we’ve told ourselves, we feel a sense of unease, discomfort, injustice, inadequacy, self-loathing, and the list goes on. But we can create gaps in these incessant thought spirals by sitting still, quietly, and witnessing these thoughts with our full attention, without believing them. That last part is the most important one.
We don’t have to believe our thoughts just because we’re having them. The point of meditating is to witness these thoughts, acknowledge them, and then let them go without judgement or reaction. And when we can do this on a regular basis, it helps us maintain a bit more presence in our daily lives, and maybe help us make decisions from a place of calm, non-judgement than from our ego minds.
Meditating can bring us more in touch with the universe’s divine energy.
This might be a bit woo woo for some people, but I believe it to be true. I believe that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience, but the matter of this physical world is dense. Inhabiting a body in physical space on this earth makes our experiences more concrete and definable, but I also think it limits what we can perceive greatly. In identifying with a physical body, and relating to the world in this way, we rely on what we can hear, touch, see, smell, and taste. But there is so much more out there that is beyond what meets the eye, and only when our minds and bodies are completely still, can we get a taste of that energy.
There’s a saying I like that goes “beyond the clouds there’s always blue skies”. In this metaphor, our mind is the sky and thoughts are clouds. The thoughts are inevitably going to come. But what if we just let them be rather than getting bogged down in them? We can enjoy the blue sky. If we approach our inner relationship with ourselves as a practice of allowing stillness, sitting with ourselves as we are, and making this a integral spiritual practice in our daily life, I believe there’s no challenge we can’t surmount, no obstacle we can’t overcome.
I’m definitely not perfect, so my meditation practice definitely won’t be as well. But what I can say is that the more I meditate, the more I show up for myself to create space, the more in-tune I feel with the universe’s creative energy, and the more at peace I feel within myself. And my only with is that you can experience this for yourself too.