How spiritual practices changed my life
My path to spirituality came from a place of deep pain and suffering. I’m not going to sugarcoat it—I was having a tough time and not feeling good about myself. But what made these feelings especially difficult to deal with was the fact that there was nothing external that I could point to that was wrong in my life. I was generally in good health, had good relationships with my friends and family, had a decent job and was living a comfortable lifestyle where, although I wouldn’t say I was rich, I did not have to worry about my basic needs being met, and could do the things I wanted to for the most part.
But still, this underlying feeling of discontentment, insecurity, lack of inspiration, and feeling of emptiness persisted no matter what I did. To make things worse, the behaviors I was engaging in to subconsciously try and fill this hole inside myself were actively making the situation worse. The unhealthy foods I was indulging in were deteriorating my health and worsening my own body image, the alcohol and other substances I was using were worsening my anxiety and chipping away at my feeling of self-worth. Even my relationships with the ones I loved, although at many times my saving grace, started to feel at times performative and I could feel myself withdraw.
I knew that if I was every going to be happy, let alone survive, I needed to change my behaviors, and to change my behaviors, I needed to change my way of thinking. This is around the time that I discovered spirituality, and my internal world began to change. From a young age, I think I always knew that there was something more to life than what meets the eye. I can’t point to any specific experiences in childhood that made me believe this, but I think there was a deeper sense of knowing that I gradually lost sight of as I became an adult, and became so deeply engrained in the existence of this physical world.
But as I discovered the world of spirituality, my view of existence began to open up again, and the things that were weighing on my mind didn’t feel as heavy as they once did. I would get momentary glances of what it felt like just to be present, not completely lost in my negative thought patterns, and in a place of calm and stillness. The more media I consumed around health, wellness, and spirituality, the more I became inspired to integrate practices into my daily life in order to maintain this more balanced head space. And this is where my own spiritual practices began to develop and persist to this day.
The first, and probably most accessible, practice that I began to do was journaling. Although it might seem simple, taking a few minutes out of my day to just write down whatever is going on in my head at that moment was huge in allowing me to get some space from my thoughts and see them from a more objective perspective. So much of what is swirling around in our heads at any moment can be amorphous thoughts entangled with emotions, memories, and our own projections on reality, and being constantly in that head space can feel overwhelming. There’s something about forming those thoughts into words and physically writing them down on paper that can clear that mental clutter, and allow you to look back at what you wrote down from a more objective standpoint where you can question what is factually true, what isn’t, what’s helpful, and what’s harmful. Just recognizing some of these patterns in your own thinking can have a transformative affect in creating healthier thought patterns.
The second practice that I’ve integrated into my daily life is meditation. Much like journaling, the practice of meditation allows you some time and space to observe your body and your mind, and ultimately connect to the deeper life force that is animating us all. Meditation can seem difficult at first, as I know I thought it was. Stilling still with my own thoughts seemed like a scary proposition especially after years of suppressing or ignoring how I felt altogether. But the more I was able to not identify with my thoughts, witness them without judging them, and allowing them to pass, the more I was able to find a real sense of calm and a connection to something deeper.
It is my personal view that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience, but that there is something about the physical realm that we inhabit once we’re born that is dense in its energetic charge, and its so easy to become so deeply identified with our bodies, our brains, and the thoughts and emotions they produce that can be a mix of cognitive thought and simple animal instinct. For me, the practice of meditation has allowed me to disentangle myself a bit from this deeply entrenched relationship to the physical world and my own thoughts about it, and given me some space where I can just exist in a space of stillness and calm, at one with the divine energy that makes up our reality.
Another spiritual practice that has become more important to me as I’ve delved deeper into my spiritual journey is one that connects me to my culture and my ancestors. Although I wasn’t really raised in any spiritual tradition or subscribe specifically to any one faith even as of now, I was always exposed to Buddhism and Shintoism from a young age being half-Japanese and born in Japan. Even most Japanese people would say they’re not religious, but Buddhist and Shinto practices are so deeply engrained in Japanese culture that they are apart of daily life.
I find great beauty and meaning in these spiritual traditions that my ancestors have practiced for thousands of years, and adopting some of these beliefs and practices in my daily life has helped me feel, not only a deeper connection to my culture, but to this belief that there are sacred things in this life and that we are all connected in this reality. In addition to visiting sacred places like shrines and temples around Japan, I also have a small alter in my home that I pray to every morning.
In the shinto tradition, small wooden amulets that symbolize the gods are placed on an alter, and we make offerings and pray to the alter every morning. This simple habit allows me a brief moment to express gratitude for all the blessings that I have been given in life, as well as to express my hopes and dreams for my future. Although I might not necessarily believe that there are literal gods inhabiting the wooden plaques in my apartment, this practice is a small reminder that this life is special, has meaning, and it’s up to me to bring this meaning and purpose to it. And that makes the experience of daily life a little bit better.
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Recognizing growth & celebrating small wins
Something really occurred to me recently that I felt I really had to recognize and celebrate. Since I first embarked on my spiritual journey more than 7 years ago, there have been many ups and downs in my internal and external life. There were times where I felt I made a lot of progress and things were going well, and then there would be some setback that would make me feel like I was regressing to a place where I thought I had graduated from. But overall, there was progress. I would take two or three steps forward, and then maybe one step back. But in those times that I was taking a step back, it was so easy to beat myself up, get weighed down by whatever was bothering me, and lose sight of the progress I was making.
My spiritual journey began from a place of true pain and suffering. I was engaging in unhealthy behaviors to cope with what I was feeling, or to completely avoid what I was feeling, and it got to a point where I knew I had to make a change if I was going to survive. Since then, it’s been a continuous ebb and flow of progress and regression, but ultimately in the direction of positive change. As I continually cut out toxic behaviors and break negative thought patterns that are holding me back, it feels like I’m unlocking new levels in the video game of life. But each level came with new challenges that were ultimately about me confronting myself, my beliefs, my thoughts, and my emotions.
In those times that I let the negative thoughts and feelings get the better of me, sometimes I would be helpless. I could easily stay in bed all day, or lie on the sofa for hours binge watching TV, ignoring other responsibilities because they just felt like too much to handle. I would wake up with a tight feeling in my chest, anxious before I even fully woke up, and the entire stretch of the day in front of me just felt like too much to bear. Especially in my current life situation where I don’t have a regular office job and a lot of what I do is dependent on me taking initiative and doing things myself, it was all to easy to shirk the commitments I had made to myself and just zone out.
But this could easily become a negative feedback loop. I would feel anxious because there’s so much I could do, but the possibilities and potential would feel overwhelming, and my mind would go to a place where I was paralyzed to make a decision to do anything, so instead I would do nothing. But the fact that I was doing nothing made me feel like I was wasting precious time, that I was squandering an opportunity, and the fact that I’m not making any real progress on a professional front is because I just don’t have what it takes. I’m not smart enough. I’m not creative enough. I don’t have good ideas, and I can’t execute the ones I have.
But none of this is true. These are self-sabotaging lies that my mind was telling itself, and I knew it was my job to continually question these thoughts and beliefs, witness them without identifying with them, and ultimately letting them pass through. With this and other tactics that I have honed in my self-care arsenal like meditation and journaling, I gradually was able to deal with these thoughts in a more positive way where I would acknowledge, but not identify, with them, and then let them go.
And over time, I began to notice the positive changes. I recently had one of those mornings where I woke up with that anxiety, and the old self-limiting thoughts started to creep back in, but with the practices that I had been developing and putting to use, I was able to pull myself back off that ledge, and move on with my day. And when we have those moments of recognition like, “wow, hey I’ve really changed,” it’s so important to take a moment to pause and celebrate that. Even just a few months ago, waking up in one of those states would have led me to a decision that would have derailed my entire day. But not anymore.
Now, I’m able to use what I’ve learned, honor my past self for doing the hard work that has gotten me here, and continue to welcome the lessons that life has to offer in reaching my true potential. It’s important not to judge my past self for how he reacted. He did was he could in the moment with what he had available to him, and he survived so that I could thrive. And this doesn’t mean that I won’t have those dark days sometime in the future. And that’s okay. Like any real meaningful progress, it’s measured in small increments, small wins. But really recognize and celebrate when you have those small wins. You’re worth it.